so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
