I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
