you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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