She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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