u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
