God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
