I must be too annoying 4 u.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Still dying that you shit outside
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize