She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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