I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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