I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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