I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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