Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
her vagine was all disorganized.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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