True but thats because hes a fetus.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
