he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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