I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
