1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
