Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize