he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
