i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
