He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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