I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
