i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
