sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
