Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize