You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know her cup size but not her name....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
