that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
