i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
