wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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