I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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