he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
