He felt like a one man threesome
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
