don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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