they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
