We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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