Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
