Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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