16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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