she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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