ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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