I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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