Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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