I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
