My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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