You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
