no, he came in my armpit
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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