I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
