What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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