If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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