I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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