Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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