3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
