I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
