so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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