Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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