I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize