So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
