Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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