Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
