I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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