I want to walk on stilts...naked
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
