i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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