I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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