Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
