If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
