She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Randomize
