so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
