Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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