The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pants are for mortals
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
