Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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