that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
