In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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