Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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